So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
