yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize