The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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