I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
