Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
