For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
