3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
