put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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