i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
