On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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