hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if only i could text you this smell
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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