I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
