And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
