i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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