Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
