When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
