so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
