I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
