The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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