Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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