What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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