we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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