i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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