i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
