I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
