why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...