I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
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i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.