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its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
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