none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
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The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.