Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza