Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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