Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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