If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
