I cannot find my penis.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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