just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
