My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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