Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
