I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
