he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
