No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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