i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
