I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
did you just send me my own nude
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
