Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
