I think my vagina is haunted
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
