Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize