The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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