And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
