Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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