a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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