ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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