I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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