i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize