using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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