Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
