Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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