i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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