Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
