its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
