I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize