So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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