i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
