every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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